Alone Again                     1995

        All my life I have felt alone
        So cold and so lonely.
        You get use to this state of being
        Relying on no one for comforting thoughts
        You must light that fire yourself.

        You have to like yourself being the real you
        you can't fool yourself - that's for sure.
        Life is so boring - if you can't find anything interesting
        to captivate your mind.
        You mix with friends but inner feelings are not discussed.
        You put on a brave face - show you're happy.
        It works most times - to keep the blues at bay.

        To be as lonely as a star
        across the blackness of space
        is not to be desired.
        So far from your nearest neighbour.

        I put on the guise of aloofness
        to feel safe within my soul.
        It is not that I don't care or have no feelings
        You must realise - the outside is a fascade
        there is a real fire burning within.






  Apology to You      Monday 11 December 1995

  Do you know what
  I am attracted to
  about you?
  Your mind, your body, your soul
  calls out to me
  I fell under a spell
  to seek what I do like?

  Do you believe in fate?
  that people meet on purpose
  that friends don't just appear
  everything happens for a purpose
  one day it will be very clear.

  We are galaxies apart
  living in galaxies of our own.
  I sent a message of love
  from mine into yours.
  Attacking you with hammer and stake
  at your heart.
  I am clumsy in love
  with no sense or sensibility
  not knowing you would misinterpret
  my message.
  The mouse inside
  you've slaughtered
  never to squeak again.
  With your cold looks
  you greet me.
  My heart is frozen
  and thoughts of love
  are dissolved away.

  Why do you misconstrue what I write
  Seek the negative from the positive
  See dark images in the light
  Read sexual innunedos where there are none.

  Why do you hurt me so?
  ever wounding
  never healing
  with your blunt edged sword
  you cut me so
  into so many pieces
  I cannot mend myself
  and lie here just bleeding
  tears of pain
  tears of sorrow

  Why do you forever ban me from your sight
  I cannot be there if you don't want to see me.
  And so I must disappear
  like some cheshire cat
  My smile has turned to frown
  as melancholy and misery invade my life
  I dwell upon the negative
  for like myself I do not.

  Is forgiveness in your heart
  Will you forgive me for hurting you so
  My feelings do not matter
  It is your feelings that do.
  Forgive me for what I have done.
  I plead ignorance
  for I am a klutz at heart.

  I don't know why making friends
  with you is so very important to me
  Why should it matter at all?
  I like to see you smile
  your form, your grace
  you are so attractive to me.



  The Beast Within Us     by Harvey A. Kong Tin 1990

  Although it is hard to believe,
  everyone does have a temper.
  Some of us, let loose our temper very easily,
  whereas others seem to have no temper at all.
  However, we all have a cracking point,
  and when unleashed, it can change us
  from a meek person into someone with superhuman rage.
  Not a nice thing to see,
  let alone, be on the receiving end of it.

  We have to keep our temper in check,
  there's no doubt about it,
  or the prisons will be filled to overflowing,
  the courts backlogged with too many cases to be heard,
  and our cementaries piled up high.
  The aslyms will be doing a grand business,
  and our young, will be terrors let loose.

  When you are near that flash point,
  when you feel your temperature rising,
  and your head becomes uncontrollably red.
  Pause for a while, to realise what is happening,
  you are turning from a Dr Jerkyll into a Mr Hyde.
  Now do you really want to make this change?
  If not, then cool down, focus on other things,
  contemplate for a while, and if need be,
  run away from the situation.
  --- just to stay sane and hurt no-one with your anger.

  The only other choice is to change into a monster,
  and hurt anyone or anything around you,
  and believe you me, you will do things you will regret.
  Once done, you will never be able to un-do the damage
  that you have caused, not only to others,
  but also to yourself.
  The beast is alive and well and has control over you ---
  IF you cannot control your temper!



  My Brain

  To search for truth is a noble cause
  It takes guts to face the unforeseen
  In order to understand the universe
  You have to take a lot in.
  True logic reigns supreme
  Everything is minutely examined
  Pulled apart and reassembled again
  Then it is blown apart
  To be tested again and again

  All data is welcomed
  As long as it has the ring of truth
  No idea is too weird or too extreme
  It all goes in at one end
  The steel trap of my mind clangs shut
  Opens to reveal nothing
  There is just empty space here
  No belief is held sacred
  No idea is too dear
  To go under the hammer
  To be smashed apart
  To see if it can stand the test.

  Logic does prevail
  with a cool calculating heart
  The realities of the world
  get sliced and diced
  Food for thought
  Consumption for the mind

  The advancement of science
  is done through updating its laws
  to include those things unseen.
  One day, old laws will be discarded
  New laws will reign supreme
  Until then, I collect all this data
  in the hollow cavity of my mind
  for enjoyable reading and amusement
  The real X-Files are very interesting
  They leave the TV show for dead.




  GOD by any other name

  Some people talk to God every day
  believing their prayers are answered
  Others are humble believing God exists
  but is too busy to deal with each of us personally
  Instead many helpers and angels look after
  humanity on Gods behalf

  In this age of science and technology
  Many believe the new God is science
  but other scientists claim, No.
  They are merely discovering God's laws.

  It does not matter what you believe
  As long as it keeps you sane and happy
  Though it is foolish to credit so much to mankind
  That man created this and created that.
  All that is, all that exists is a part of God
  Call it what you will.

  To live in the world of tomorrow
  Be prepared to update your thoughts and beliefs
  For your mind is growing and ever evolving
  The thirst for knowledge can never be satisfied
  New horizons lie beyond those seen.
  Something moves by the trees at night
  but we never speak about it.



The couch potatoe upside down           September 1995

It's all too easy to dismiss sports as a thing of the past
Something you did as a kid during school days
But it has relevance to all adults, who wish to remain fit and trim
You don't need to work out, run, jog, or go to the gym
It is worthwhile to find out what you really like to do
to keep yourself in shape, active and young.
I've had a go at the various sports, to see if there's anything I'd like.
Netball and Basketball are too strenuous for me
Running up and down a court constantly.
The same with rugby and soccer covering a much larger field
You have to be extremely fit for these sports,
I wasn't that good at tennis, I found the large racket hard to use,
It was fun, it's a large court to cover
there's lots of running, in chasing the ball.
Badminton is easier, hitting the lightweight shuttlecock around,
you can hit it up high, or flat across the court.
The court is small and you can move gracefully.
I've never had a go at squash, this is a superfast sport
for those with speed and fitness.
And who, don't mind being stung by the small black ball.
Table Tennis is a game to admire,
it is a game of cunning and strategy.
You put spins on the ball as you slice at the ball with the bat
Serves are devilishly clever as spin every which way.
You have to move around and can't stay flatfooted
it can be a fast game if played seriously.

But the sport I find most enjoyable of all,
is social volleyball.
Teams can be mixed of men and women,
it is a team sport where the best teamwork wins.
Remember folks, use 3 hits of the ball,
Dig, set and spike
and block at the net.

You don't need to be that fit,
You protect a small area of court, that is yours
hopefully your teammates know which areas are theirs.
You need coordination and can pick up the basics fairly quickly,
It is a game of strategy, poetry in motion
It could be described as the tai chi of sports
Where through movement, you can become fitter.
Confidence is the name of the game, that makes you play better.
The main reason I play, is that it is a lot of fun
one can never predict what will happen during a game.
Played with friends, it is very funny
because a spinning ball can travel along very strange paths.
It's all in good fun, with hilarious antics galore
Nothing is taken too seriously at all
this is social volleyball
When the game is over, we all shake hands at the net
Saying how much we enjoyed, the brief one hour game
It was good to sweat it out and play hard
The burst of energy fired up our bodies and we feel much better afterwards.

I have found that my fingers and hands, have toughened up
with all this activity, I hope that old age will creep up on me kindly
And that my wheelchair days are far, far, away
I can stay active and fit, that is the clear message here,
through playing social volleyball.
it is the fun and laughter, I enjoy most from the game.

Watching sports is no real fun,
you've got to participate, to join in the fun.
It's a whole different world, from being the audience to that
of the player.
Sure it's no world class event, you take part in,
that's for the ego, and the talented few
Social sports are played, for the sheer hell of it
where playing the sport, is the reward in itself.


Early
Poems by Harvey A. Kong Tin            



The Two-in-one man            Written in my late teens....

I am the two-in-one man
Whose personalities are one minus one
Which adds up to two
The positive and the negative are always at play
Sometimes cancelling, sometimes adding
One is the good, one is the evil
People do not know which
But I, I am in the middle
Who has to choose between the two
Now and then the evil would take over
What can I do?
To kill him is to kill me
The good I do not see much of
How can I help him to help me
I am the two yet I am the one
Which one am I?



The Coming of the Night           Written in my late teens...

The sun is gliding towards the horizon line
And is gone once again
The shadows stretch and fade
Far away into darkness
Light and shade merge into silhouttes
Turning plain girls into mystical maidens
The day is gone
The beauty of the night approaches
quietly and unnoticed
The harsh light has faded
The busy streets are gone.


Inside/Outside                            Written sometime in my 20s'

How could anyone live out there?
Out in the reaches of space
So far and so cold
Away from the source of light
And the energy of heat

We have never travelled
Beyond the reaches of our world
But the young ones among us
Have sent projectiles out into space
Marvelling at their return after long intervals
It was something used in measure of our years

Warmth and Heat are friends of ours
For we survive on them alone
The learned ones of our elders
Who are countless ages old
Reasoned that there could be no life out there
They have waited and waited
No contact came, no signs of friendship
Said the Beings within the Sun.



The Forcing Shed           Written sometime in my 20s'

Long long ago in the mists of time
The Wise Ones had decided that
Humans were to put on Earth
To endure suffering and tribulations
For that was the only way they could learn                                                                      The shock was great and short
The Plan was perfect
Their memory banks were erased
Hence no previous knowledge
Of why they were there
And where did they come from

Everyone were to live life after life
With no knowledge of previous lives
While they were still on Earth
But once through the door of death
Comprehension and understanding will come

As Man evolves upwards
While on the Earth
There would be glimmerings of Truth
Which will enable Man
To comprehend the Seen and the Unseen
Birth: The Ultimate Journey.




  Especially to You       October 1995

  I am an incurable romantic at heart
  believing romantic love is there to find.
  It's not easy being a male
  Making the first and perhaps final approach
  straight to a woman's heart.

  I am strange, I am unique
  I am different to anyone you know
  I do not believe in gender wars
  A good man does not keep a woman down
  A good woman does not chain her lover up.

  I would ask you out for a date
  but alas, I'm not into wining and dining
  dancing and the theatre.
  I dislike loud parties, where the music
  drowns out the conversation.
  I'm not into smoking, drugs, alcohol
  or any of that crap.
  I'm for quiet evenings in
  Chatting with a few friends
  Getting lost in TV historical drama
  I like music for the soul
  female popular music like: Enya
  Wilson Philips, Gloria Estefan, the Bangles, etc

  I know that I can't say 'I love you'
  when I hardly know you
  but I would like to know you better
  to spend some time with you
  to chat about things past and present
  to be part of your future
  as a lover or a friend?
  What say you?

  I would not make a good knight
  upon a shining steed
  I am no Sir Lancelot, Perceval or Galahad
  I am a searcher of truth
  believing the truth can never hurt you
  I would like to know the real you
  What you love and hate.
  Just give me a call.
  You'll know who I am?
  You are not alone
  I am a good keen fan.

  If the reply is 'No.'
  I will understand.
  The door of love
  is shut once again in my face.
  Let silence be your answer.
  Silence is my constant companion,
  I'd like to lose her one day
  And live less quietly.

          from your one great admirer




  Forgiveness I Seek     29 December 1995

  Why do you hate me so
  It burns me deeply in my soul
  You teach me :
  Day dreams are not to be followed
  Desires should be ignored
  Hopes and dreams should never be reached
  Wishes should remain unfulfilled.
  I cannot a woman's needs
  I am alone
  for the woman I seek
  does not want me.

  I desired your body
  and not your mind.
  That is not so.
  Read my words carefully
  and they will tell you
  I am attracted to you
  I do not know why?
  Maybe I thought
  you were different to anyone else
  And you would see in me
  What everyone else can't see
  A stranger who is no stranger to thee.

  It does not hurt me
  that you would reject my love
  But to reject my friendship
  is very cruel indeed.
  Why does the sight of me
  disturb you so?
  Do I scare you suddenly
  because I have love in my heart?
  It may be badly judged
  but it is there.

  My love can be crushed and crumpled
  like a rose that should never have flowered.
  But to ban me from your sight
  hurts me deep indeed.
  I desire for your company in any form or manner
  I do not wish to be
  Where I am not wanted.
  And so I wait eternally for your call
  Hoping you will some day wake up to the fact
  that I am a good friend lost.

  We are but strangers to each other
  that is very clear now.
  What I thought were likeness and vision
  was all a dream.
  An illusion, a phantasie.
  We are poles apart
  One happy, one sad
  One very much in love, one clearly not.
  One emotional, one calculating.
  What is the reality and what is the phantasie?
  Which one are you, and which one am I?
  Does it all really matter?
  What matters most is how we feel towards us other
  And whether there is any friendship left
  for life to carry on?

  The words I write
  have no real meaning
  Unless taken personally
  towards inside your heart
  and inside your mind.
  Hopefully you'll realise
  the truth and honesty here.
  Some illumination of the human soul
  some common bond of humanity
  in which we all have feelings
  that can be hurt and down trodden
  ready to be regrown again.

  We are two souls on this planet
  sharing this point in time.
  It is a miracle that we did meet
  And got to know each other
  in some small manner.
  But does it have to end
  in this sad poem
  a sad story
  with no real end.


  An epic love poem  31 October - 2 November 1995
  This is very long ....

  
  
  The Game of Love

  Your poetry, your words
  affect me in many ways
  I like what you have written
  the quality, the range.
  It is good to know someone
  who can express the emotions
  your words are carefully chosen
  cutting people into two
  and seeing what is inside.

  Light my fire, light my flame
  You have lit the hearth within
  The fire and the passion are heating up
  Can I exert any control over them?

  I feel a magnetic pull towards you
  so strong I cannot fail to notice
  the things about you
  Your hair, your smile
  your complexion
  And your hazel eyes.
  I can only guess at the cheeky mind inside.

  There is no doubt that we are different
  there are different worlds to explore
  I can show you how art and technology agree
  this is the 90s'.

  I have interests many and varied
  I did write some short stories
  but alas my talent is limited
  and I gave up on that but maybe we can write
  some stories together?
  develop some characters and see how they play?
  maybe even develop a screenplay?

  It is a dream that I have
  to come up with a premise
  the background, the dialogue,
  and let the story write itself.
  If only it was as easy as that
  to develop a hot property
  for film or television
  something good
  to put on the idiot box.

  I have many many dreams
  lots of ideas and plans of action
  I deal with ideas
  some I'd like to make true
  I hope that the timeframe is coming together
  in which I can be doing
  what I have been brought here for.

  I hope that you and I finally meeting
  is all part of God's plan
  I have been looking for that special woman
  to act as a catalyst
  not only to launch myself
  towards greater heights
  but also to encourage
  to do that what you desire?
  What dreams do you have?
  what wishes do you want fulfilled?
  not dreams of vanity I hope,
  but dreams of substance and vitality.

  You can be the light, and I
  the gunpowder
  What a combination
  we could set the world on fire.
  A time of celebration
  to rejoice in the arrival
  of someone so special
  You.

  I cannot read your mind
  but I can guess what the answer may be?
  Life has always dealt herself a "1"
  and to me, a "0"
  I know all the answers
  to spare one's heart :
  I like you as a friend, but not as a lover"
  I am not ready for love, and it can't be you
  for those feelings you feel - I do not feel"
  I can only offer you sibling love and no other"
  Do go away and bother some other"
     and so it goes on, and on ...
     having to put one's love on a shelf
     for two score years and ten until at some rest home
     the odds may be better, I'll be outnumbered
     the odds will be in my favour
     but it's likely by then, I'll be celibate for life.
     my heart got tired of waiting
     for the real lover to enter my life.

  The sensitive person knows all the answers
  unfortunately gets sent to the end of a long queue
 "Refunds" at the supermarket for super lovers.
  Was I the buyer or was I the product?

  I like your poetry
  I like what I see
  I am impressed
  And so I wonder?
  What do you think of me?

  Your poetry is good
  it touches me.
  I admire the perspective
  I admire the view
  I do like your honesty.

  Love can be a hard commodity to find
  in this busy, busy world
  I don't have infinite patience
  nor infinite time
  but for this important element in my life
  I'm willing to take things slow
  and oh, so sure.

  If this is the way you want to play this love game
  that you're not yet ready to go
  I'm willing to give you the time
  to relax and think about it
  I am in no rush
  because the timeframe don't seem quite right
  to win you over
  I haven't got all the trappings
  of your dream lover
  of the warrior in shining armour
  Did you want one?

  It may seem hard to believe
  that I could provide you
  with the basic necessities of life
  they are hidden there
  in one resource or another
  written in this verse
  I don't expect you to know
  what I'm talking about.

  I am solid, I am safe
  with my personality
  there are no ghouls nor ghosts
  living here except me.
  You have nothing to fear
  I am honest
  and do not stretch the truth
  for she is beautiful
  the way that she is.

  I would not change a hair on her head
  nor push a finger up or down
  on the scales when she stands
  Truth is beauty.

  It is angels that I admire
  for they help others along
  the pathway of life
  I like to follow that example too,
  to extend the helping hand
  that is a lifelong dream
  thinking up schemes that will make it so
  it would be nice if you felt this way too
  to change the world around us
  back to a caring world.
  Such ideals are worthy to contemplate
  it is not an impossible dream
  it is possible.

  I cannot deny the attraction I feel for you
  it's there!
  Pure and innocent for a while
  then the mating urge takes over
  thoughts of lovers' embrace
  comes and goes
  and very many different feelings rolled into one
  All positive and wholesome to share with you.

  I would like to give you a hug
  but I am not a hugging person
  and hold you tighter
  and longer than usual
  to show that I do care
  and there are extra feelings there
  but no doubt
  you will think it
  too forward of me

  Oh, to kiss the lover of your dreams
  that would be nice indeed
  I have been day dreaming a lot about you
  I can't get you out of my mind
  You haunt me so
  Why do you make such an impression on me?

  I know you must think me
  as being very, very silly
  to write such poetry about you
  but when the heart's get going
  the effort is light
  as one swoons on life's romantic thrills.
  it must have been like this
  When Browning met Barrett
  I do fear that all this
  is just a one-sided dream
  Where I am only the dreamer
  dreaming a fantasy?
  Shall I choose reality or fantasy?
  I have been fighting in my mind
  to end that fantasy and wake up in reality
  Pop the dream! because the reciprocal feelings
  are not there?
  Wake up to truth
  will she wake me up with a kiss
  or stab me in the back?

  And so it is with terror
  filled in my mind
  that I send this poem out into space
  from my mind to yours
  like some misguided missile
  it could come back to haunt me.

  It is both a blessing and a curse
  to have emotions
  which can run riot
  and go wildly out of control
  but they are needed
  to create works of beauty.
  To have them tightly under control
  is not the way to live life.
  That is not for me
  like some monk in a monastery
  or nun in a nunnery
  to hold it all in
  and meditate on eternal bliss
  of a spiritual kind.

  I am quiet, I am shy
  I am not forward
  these are disadvantages
  adding to missed opportunities
  and so life passes me by
  moving so fast I cannot reply
  she deals herself another "1"
  and me another "0".

  I hope that you can understand
  these poems enclosed for you here
  they are for your eyes and mind
  because they are all for you, my dear
  Frankly, I do care a damn
  about what you think
  about what you say.
  I do not believe in putting you up on a pedestal
  but if you require it
  I will provide it
  So that you can see further ahead in life
  she plays a mean, mean game
  but that is life.

  I only give myself
  10% chance of success
  90% failure to convince you
  that I'm your dream lover
  I will not feel bad
  if you say "No"
  it will be as I suspected
  that I cannot convince you
  I am your dream lover.

  I will ask you again
  if I attain any success in my life
  another chance for you to say "No".
  You must remember I bear no grudges
  Whatever happens in your life
  and whatever happens in mine
  My feelings towards you will always remain the same
  this has always been the case
  for the people I feel deep affections for.
  I will always be disappointed with a "No"
  because my heart will certainly sink
  but I will recover.
  It will be another love phase over.

  You should know that
  I don't write love poems lightly
  nor do I write them for just anyone
  There are so few people
  that move me enough to want to write
  So I just like you to know
  that you are indeed someone special.

  If the answer is "Yes"
  you shall send me higher than the moon
  like a firework in the evening sky
  I will indeed feel that my time has come
  I can light up the world
  with my harmony.
  You must remember
  that you should not encourage my love
  unless you can receive it well.
  That with all the affections I shall bestow upon you
  I expect you to show your affections in return.

  I can live with a "maybe one day in the future"
  in which everything is postphoned and that time
  is suspended until your mind is made up
  or the situation will improve.
  A "No" later will not be so negative
  I can take it better with time.

  To send you this poem
  I must show you that I do care
  and that I'm not a total wimp.
  I'm not 100% sure, the answer is "No"
  until you say "No" clearly to me.
  Then I can kill all my dreams and phantasies
  and start living my real life, once again.
  It will be as lonely as ever
  but "Hey!" I did try
  even though I wasn't wanted
  I finally did find out what your true feelings were.
  There is truth in beauty and beauty in truth
  I can live with truth forever
  but that does not take away the loneliness
  of being the lone lover.

  I am sorry that I don't have riches
  to spend with you
  and fame to spread with you
  but maybe our coming together
  will change our lives for the better?
  Where a magic combination happens
  that makes you rediscover yourself
  and gets the creative juices going
  to spread outwards.

  I can take a 'No' answer
  for I am strong.
  I will sure feel sadness
  but it will be soon be over.
  I feel no embarressment
  over writing these poems
  because they come straight from the heart.
  You should feel no embarressment too
  in receiving this poem
  receive it in the spirit of which it was intended
  I am complementing you in as nice a way I can
  and so I hope you can view this poem
  as just being a pleasant surprise?

  I do not know the real you
  and you do not know the real me.
  I cannot write a detailed poem
  of my impressions of you.
  I need more time, I need more information
  there is so much I do not know
  Will you fill in the gaps and give me more data?
  so that I write a better poem in future?
  In my poetry I think I have given you
  a good clear picture about me.
  It is not 100% clear, nor 100% complete
  but there is enough information here
  for you to know me better
  than my friends or family.

  I am a mysterious figure
  to those around me.
  I tend to be secretive and lost in thought.
  But do not worry, there is nothing to fear
  I hold no dark fears, nor dark desires.
  I am as safe and harmless as a cat
  who observes the world around oneself
  reporting to no one and content
  to be in the company of someone who loves me.

  The last few verses here
  are here - just to calm your mind
  and your apprehensions.
  The words I am expressing
  are not that of a puppy-love admiration
  of a love-sick child.
  We all know that finding the right partner
  can be a life-long quest
  when we are picky, picky.
  Life can seem to pass us by ---
  Why do others seem to have the luck
  with their life and love?
  Whereas I, seem to find so few people
  with the right mind, the right attitude
  there is no instant kiwi prize here.
  They either have spouses already,
  or marriage for life
  or simply are not interested in me as a mate.
  If I had lowered my standards
  I would have been dating long ago
  but being truthful and honest
  my conscience says 'that is not the way to love'

  It seems impossible to find
  a person drawn magnetically to me
  as I am to them, they say scientifically :
  opposites attract and like poles repell
  maybe that is true with us?
  What say you?
  I'm running out of lines fast
  has it been too long,
  tedious and boring,
  these words straight from my heart?

  Peace be with you, Peace be inside you
  it is through peace that all things will be attainable.
  In this troubled, troubled world of ours
  Peace is the saviour who can save our souls.
  Go in peace, my friend
  Angel of my heart
  may sadness not split us apart?


  The end of ... The Game of Love